Even though it has been a good while since I’ve really sat down and committed to writing, it’s not because I have a shortage of thoughts or ideas, nor is it that I don’t want to share them with anyone.
The problem is one of two things:
My genius ideas run through my head while I’m driving
My mind keeps me awake all night throwing cracking ideas at me and by the morning I’ve either forgotten them, or I’m way too tired to actually action them.
Which is why roughly 5 years have passed since I was writing if not frequently, at least routinely. Any writer will know the longer you leave it, the worse the writer’s block becomes.
2020 was quite the year. 2021, four days in and it’s looking like quite a year. Ah no – five days in. See I’ve already lost track of the who, what, where, when, why and how of everything. Or I just forgot the date…
2021 is a year of intention.
Hmmmm. No, that’s not pinpoint enough.
It is the year of action. Although, I don’t really like that as my go-to word. I’m yet to carry out my New Year manifestation with Rachel over at Yoga Girl but on the first of her daily podcasts this year she asked listeners to think back to the word that they were drawn to as their goal, or their intention going ahead into 2021. Obviously I’ve not done the 2 hour manifestation process (note to self, prioritise that for tomorrow) but I was listening to this as I was driving – I told you all good things come to me behind the wheel – and for some unknown reason, the word strength came to mind and I instantly felt it. It resonated in such a way I even remember that word today, a whole day later. So maybe I’m onto something, or maybe my word for 2021 will change in about 24 hours? But the word strength came without lengthy or intense conscious dredging. My brain was throwing around the idea of maybe journey, courage, something to suggest my intention of personal growth and intention. Strength came floating gently to the forefront from the darkest, deepest recesses of my brain and I tell you, that word stuck like the proverbial fly to that sticky fly paper stuff.
Therefore I shall correct myself and say that 2021 is in fact a year of strength.
Strength in any way you can think of it:
Mental strength – I made the jump and committed to undertaking CBT and any additional therapy needed to finally, after 25 years, address my emetophobia head on, raw, in at the deep end. I have never at any point in my life felt able to even consider facing up to it. For some unknown reason, at the grand old age of 31 and a half, there has been a shift within me and I know I am ready. Not just as ready as I’ll ever be, but actively ready and raring.
Physical strength – Sure doing a pull up or push up is cool and a fun skill but is it me? Not really, but I do enjoy a lot of different forms of movement, fitness and body improvement and it doesn’t mean I’m not still gonna train to get my pull up and push up. And since getting a Fitbit for Christmas I am in a constant competition with myself to walk further, get my heart rate up for increasing lengths of time, and just feel good about myself. I go through phases of being a gym bunny, I got a lifetime best on weights at home a month or so back by squatting 40kg and deadlifting 70kg. Then I got all depressed again and lost motivation and gains and Christmas happened and somehow I’ve not done any bodyweight training in about a month. So yes, I go through phases, and because I do enjoy these different things I try, I do come back to them. Why do I drop them in the first place? For whatever reason – hormones, weather, my astrological setup and destiny, the alignment of the planets, life – I get really into something but then one day it just does not feel right any more. My passion however is still without a doubt yoga and that is the practice I return to the most regularly. Although if you want to put a more accurate or 21st century term to it: mobility, flexibility and flow training, stretching, and above all else mindful movement. I still practice yoga in the sense of I practice yoga poses (asana) and I’ll sequence my own and follow classes on YouTube (LivInLeggings being my favourite), and I get my zen on during and after. Do I live my entire life around the ancient or traditional practice of yoga? No. But I take a lot of inspiration from limbs of yoga and mould them to fit to my life and to who I am as a person. I meditate, sometimes on the go, sometimes on my acupressure mat. (Which by the way is a LIFE CHANGER. Never did I think several thousand hard plastic sharp points would be so blissful. I’ll write all about it next because it’s That Good.)
Emotional strength – I suspect I’m going to need it. Emotional strength is a different beast to mental strength as emotions are primal, at least to the human race, whereas mental strength is psychological, like another muscle almost. Emotions are connected – as everything is – to the mind and the body, everything is interconnected – but working on it is not the same as working on your physical or mental health. So yes, I intend to work on building better emotional strength and resilience. In addition to facing my lifelong phobia and trying to get ripped.
There is so much I would love to write about and share, but I’ll be honest, right now my brain seems to be screaming the cut-throat action at me. I can see it, right there, the visual like a PR person warning me I’ve gone on for too long and need to wrap up. I’ve ignored it for the last ten minutes but even I know when I’m beaten, plus dinner is ready and I feel I’ve written enough for now, as well as igniting my writing spark and creating a base for my next post.
Thing is, I’ve made a start. I feel like the last few paragraphs have maybe been a bit discombobulated as my concentration has flagged, but instead of seeking perfection or a high word count, or editing for a further hour (I promise I have limited myself to just fifteen minutes!) I’m just going to call it now and come back to you very soon with some more thoughts. However jumpy or bumpy they may be and however much I think it doesn’t flow.
The writing muscle needs a good stretch and strengthen as well after all, I can’t expect it to bend over backwards immediately without practice and routine!